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A gloriously daft guide to surviving a close encounter of the fourth kind. Spot the signs you've been taken, know what to do if it's happening right now, give resistance your best (good luck), and keep a bedside abductee kit — then what to expect on board, how to get along with your hosts, and exactly what to do once you're home. A cracking novelty gift.

• ✓Signs you've been taken
• ✓If it's happening now
• ✓Resisting (good luck)
• ✓Bedside abductee kit
• ✓Life on board
• ✓What to do after