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247 unread messages. A forwarded scam from Auntie Sandra. A blazing row about a birthday cake. This is your survival guide to the family group chat you can never truly leave. Meet the cast, decode every reaction, learn to exit a 40-message war with a single 👍, and discover exactly why leaving is a war crime. Every family will recognise themselves — an affectionate, laugh-out-loud gift for a parent, sibling or cousin.

• ✓The survival rules
• ✓Who's who in the group
• ✓Decoding the messages
• ✓The sacred reactions
• ✓Exiting a 40-message war
• ✓Leaving without a scandal